I just repainted several areas of my home. After seeing the finished product, I thought, “Wow, no one would ever know there’s a deep, rich gray underneath that new color.” My mind drifted to an art exhibit that showed, through some kind of imaging machine, how artists painted over their draft work to develop today’s masterpieces. “Huh…I never would have known that was under there…or even thought to look!” The very next day I had a conversation with a leader, and I learned a lot about her – some of her “shaping” and “refining” experiences (read: “painful”). I walked away thinking the same thing…”Huh, I would have never known that was under there.”

All leaders are amalgams of their past experiences. What’s incredibly interesting, though, is that all great leaders have some really painful experiences – moments that have defined their work as well as shifted their focuses – making them who they are and why they lead the way they do. It’s unfortunate that too few people really get to know their leaders and learn about those experiences. The great leaders are willing to share them. I assure you; they don’t want you to relive their past horror.

I hope you have the opportunity to have some of these discussions with the leaders around you. And, I hope you’re brave enough to share your leadership experiences with others in the process.

Leaders aren’t born. They’re made. Sometimes painfully.